


can I handle the seasons of my life?

by Mrs-BobbiWinchester (Skyeward_captasha)



Category: Glee
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Rachel and Jesse are just mentioned, like half a line but stay safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 08:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19103431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyeward_captasha/pseuds/Mrs-BobbiWinchester
Summary: Kurt + Blaine talking about kids now that Rachel’s far enough along that it’s a real thing that’s happening and they can start telling people. Blaine starts remembering all the things his dad did to him as a kid and worries that he’ll turn into that and be a terrible father. Kurt reassures him that “dude no you’ll be an amazing dad” and they’re cute and gay. That’s it.





	can I handle the seasons of my life?

Blaine walked through the doorway to his and Kurt’s apartment with a happy sigh, setting his messenger bag in a chair at the table and going to listen to the voicemails he’d gotten while he was out as he got a glass of water. Kurt had beaten him to it, however, and was sitting at the table with his arms folded across his chest and his eyes partially glazed over.

“Were you planning on telling me? Or were you going to leave me to figure it out for myself like last time?” He asked, a bit of an edge present in his normally steady voice.

“What do you mean?” Blaine asked, holding onto his glass a bit tighter.

“Your therapist called. Said she was worried about you when you walked out of your session today, and she asked if I’d seen you since you left for work this morning. What happened? You can tell me anything.” He motioned to the chair next to himself and looked up at his husband, one hand going to play with his wedding ring absentmindedly.

“I just... needed some space. Went for a walk to clear my head.” He sat down with the glass of water in his hands, ignoring how they began to tremble the more anxious he got.

“And you couldn’t have waited until you were finished with her? I’m sure whatever you were dealing with could’ve been worked out with her.” He reaches over and set his hand on top of his husband’s, thumbing at his knuckles gently.

“Yeah, I don’t know. I just... needed some space. You know how I get.” He shied away from Kurt’s touch and curled in on himself in the dining room chair.

“Does this have anything to do with the news we got from Rachel and Jesse the other night?” Kurt asked after a few awkward minutes of silence.

Blaine flinched at the mention of their friends and put his hands in his lap, picking at his nails anxiously. He nodded slightly and resisted the urge to bring his hands up to his mouth and bite his nails until they bled.

“We’ve been over this, Blaine. You’re going to be an amazing father.” Kurt got up and moved to stand behind his husband, grabbing his hands and holding them gently while he leaned over and looked down into his hazel eyes.

“I just... I’m scared. You know how my childhood was. I don’t know if I could live with myself if I turned into my dad.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke, his hands still trembling in Kurt’s strong grasp.

“You won’t turn into your father, Blaine. What that man did to you was wrong, and you know it. You didn’t deserve any of it, and you know that and won’t even entertain the idea of imitating those behaviors with our daughter. I know you won’t.” He kissed his cheek and closed his eyes, pulling away slightly to rest his forehead against Blaine’s.

“But how can you be sure? He wasn’t always like that. It was just... after I came along. He wasn’t ever like that with Cooper.” His voice broke multiple times and he got quieter and quieter until his voice was barely above a whisper.

“That’s not on you, Blaine. Listen to me. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Kurt grabbed his hands again and squeezed them tight to his chest. “Come sit with me.”

Blaine shuffled over to the couch behind Kurt, his hands still held tightly in his husband’s. He sat down and rested his head on Kurt’s chest while he settled in with the latest edition of Vogue. He began to read one of the articles aloud quietly to Blaine, who calmed down enough to doze off on him.

When he woke up, he was met with the sounds of Kurt shuffling around in the kitchen making dinner. He had his phone hooked up to the Bluetooth speaker and was singing along to his go-to playlist for when he needed to get things done.

He got up, pulled the quilt around his shoulders from where it lay draped over the arm of the sofa, and slowly made his way into the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and leaned against the counter with his eyes half open.

“Are you ready to talk about it yet?” Kurt asked after tasting the pasta sauce off the wooden spoon.

“I don’t want to hurt our daughter like I got hurt. She doesn’t deserve to grow up constantly afraid of one of her parents.”

“And she won’t. You know why? Because you are nothing like your father. That man spent your whole childhood filling your head with lies, and now we pay someone $150 a week just to undo all the damage he did. Our baby won’t ever feel like she doesn’t matter or like she’s done something wrong by existing because you, Blaine Devon Anderson-Hummel, are a good person. You’re nothing like that monster.” Kurt leaned in and kissed his husband’s nose gently before rubbing them together sweetly and resting his forehead against his.

“Thank you,” Blaine whispered with a relieved sigh. “I just... all of this is bringing back so many memories I thought I’d gotten rid of. And I can’t talk about it without feeling like my chest is going to collapse in on itself... hence my running away in the middle of my session,” Blaine began to ramble, “God, I should call her and apologize.”

“Don’t you dare. You have nothing to apologize for. You did what you needed to do to take care of yourself. That’s something to be proud of.” Kurt squeezed his hand and used his other to turn the stove off and bring the pasta to a simmer. “There was a time where you would’ve locked yourself in the bathroom and refused to come out unless I brought you hot chocolate, held you, and promised to not make you talk about it,” he teased with a small smile.

“Hey. Not my fault you make the best hot chocolate.” Blaine nuzzled into his neck and let out a happy sigh. “Thank you, Kurt. Really... thank you. I don’t know why I’m so worried about this, but I’m sure we can work through it and figure it out. I don’t deserve you.”

“You really don’t,” Kurt teased with a cheesy wink. “Now sit down at the table while I get your supper ready. You’ve had a long day and should just sit back and let me take care of you.”

Blaine took a seat at the kitchen table with the quilt still wrapped tightly around his shoulders and a small blush on his cheeks, more from feeling loved and cared for than from the temperature of his body. He forced himself to take some deep breaths and recognize that everything would be OK, even if it didn’t feel like it right now, because he had Kurt with him to make things better. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is for the humans on twitter (mainly blanca thx for the prompt babe) who wanted to see this. first time I’ve written anything new in a hot minute so be gentle
> 
> Title from Landslide by Fleetwood Mac


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